Problems Marriage Partners Face Often Tied To Myths
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If you are experiencing relationship problems, marriage strife or conflict with your partner, trust me, you are not alone. But you may feel alone as you try to delve into what are the real issues, and find a way to resolve them. In many situations, it is easier said than done, but not impossible.
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Unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners is the root of many problems, marriage partners often find. People who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships are particularly prone to this. Anger and disappointment can spring from unrealistic and impossible expectations about your partner or the relationship. Here are some unrealistic myths which can lead to problems marriage partners can face:
Hollywood Romance: Romantic fantasy is what sells. Aren’t all marriages as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies? Doesn’t everyone’s husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another five dozen roses’ worth of petals strewn on the bed? (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)
Marriage problems can start with this fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic. Reality is quite different. Romance doesn’t have to end after “I do,” but it probably isn’t going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is portrayed in the movies.
Perfect Partner: One morning you may wake up and realize the person you married isn’t as perfect as you thought, and that can be a real shock. When they finally see the other person, warts and all, people who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems marriage can bring when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have flaws and shortcomings.
Some people can hide their faults for a very long time, and most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship. These are reasons why it’s very important to take the time to get to know the other person. Eventually, faults and flaws will show, and it’s at that point you will know if you love him or her enough to live with them in the inevitable problems marriage can bring.
Happily Ever After: While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappear into the castle at the end of the fairy tale story, we never get to see what happens with them inside those towering walls years down the road. It wouldn’t be hard to believe that a glass slipper or two get shattered when one of them gets upset!
It would be great if marriage was always happy and peaceful, but that is not reality. You are not going to agree on everything. In fact, you may disagree on several things. It’s all right if you can recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings. Problems marriage can bring will be a lot less challenging if you reach that level of understanding. And successful marriage experts will tell you that open communication about these issues is the best couples therapy of all.